Wretched Dresser

The Toothbrush Creature did not have any furniture. Before he moved in, he planned on having a swanky bachelor's pad. He was going to have fancy furniture and lots of sheets to build a fort. He would surely win the Termagant's heart back! First, he needed a dresser. One night, after a mango party, he walked by a wet dresser. (The other ones he scavenged for had all of the drawers missing, for some reason unbeknownst to the Toothbrush Creature.) He went home, since he was carrying a tray of cannoli that could not be left to the elements. When he arrived home he subconsciously decided that he was not going to lug an entire dresser for half a block and then up one flight of stairs. It was too much effort, plus he knew that a good box of cannoli should never be left unattended. And he had THIS RASH. That was besides the point. A half of a block and a flight of stairs was a lot for a skull with a flower and three teeth to manage.

Before passing out on the floor, the Toothbrush Creature cursed the fact that he did not have anywhere to place his belongings. It did not feel right to not have a junk drawer. Where else did one have the freedom to scatter things that were in one's pocket? Where else could one have such compartmentalized chaos? It was the thought of a junk drawer that could get one through the day. The Toothbrush Creature's pockets had been filling up with junk for ninety-seven days. His initial thought was that someone else deserved the wet dresser, since there were other skeletal remains that were slightly less fortunate. (He knew a set of ribs named Bob that were constantly chased by neighborhood dogs.) He felt good that he could be a great creature and think about others first. Unfortunately, when he rolled his face onto the hardwood floor one of his pockets exploded. He decided that not taking garbage was for suckers.

It was time to brave the drizzle and check out the wet dresser. First, he chased a salami with a bottle of vodka. Times were tough.

During his slump down the stairwell reached a slow conclusion. He remembered that he was furnishing his apartment for the Termagant. She had not been social, ever since her lemonade stand went into foreclosure. (She seemed generally happy to have the Toothbrush Creature as a customer. She did not even charge him extra for a cup.) The Toothbrush Creature could see a group of vandals stealing the knobs off of the wet dresser. They were obviously doing it for sport, since something was AMUSING to them. TC was not having it. He slicked back where his hair used to be, just before kicking some ass. After an hour of dragging expired, the Toothbrush Creature left his dresser on the top three stairs. He decided to expand his apartment (his TV-VCR) into the hallway. The Termagant asked to be buzzed-in...